let go, loser.

a ted talk from a self-proclaimed grief specialist

before you read this blog, its a humble request that you read this while listening to let down by radiohead. please. just do it.

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i have trouble letting go of things. i have grown up with a fundamental fear that i’ll lose what i love, hence, i grow possessive. what’s mine should stay mine, god forbid someone else touches it. what if they steal it from me? my friends, my (hypothetical) significant other, my pens. for fuck’s sake, my pens.

despite this fear and possessiveness, i have lost. i have lost a lot. i have lost people i thought would stick around for the rest of my life and would be a part of my wedding. i have also lost the man who i thought would be the groom.

do i still carry on though? that’s the question.
i do.
and here’s why you need to as well.

you can’t redo your past. it’s as simple as it gets. unless you’re some unheard-of scientist in possession of a time machine, you can’t undo what’s been done.

you know what you can do? ruin your future by living in your past.

grieving is different. but becoming a vessel of grief? unacceptable.

the more you replay that memory, that person, the more you’re poisoning what could be. the poison in question here is pessimism, btw. (only if i used these analogies in real conversations people would take me seriously.)

it’s harsh and sorta hurts to hear, but it’s true. and i know at least one of you needs to hear it: you’re giving yesterday too much power.

you survived. you lived through it. and that wasn’t without a reason, was it? the reason was that you could build something better with what you’ve learned.

but look at you, dumbass. trying to build upwards while you’re still looking down?

how do you just forget your whimsy? your joy? have you forgotten that you’ve got the rest of your life left to live? that you haven’t met all the people you’re gonna love yet?

every time the grief gets overwhelming, remember this: you’re one of the few people lucky enough to grieve. lucky enough to be able to care enough to grieve.

you broke your heart but at least you know you experienced love.
you were betrayed but at least you know you experienced trust.
disappointment? you’ve experienced hope. (i got this from a tiktok, straight up BARS.)

i’m okay with this sounding out of touch, or even a tad bit insensitive. i’ve grieved so hard that i felt like i would die. but i didn’t.

so i’d like to believe that hearing this from me is a little more than just a tad bit appropriate.